Monday, June 14, 2010

Actual Father's Day Card I'm Mailing to the Obese Hungarian

My Dearest Father,

I know what's going through your head: you are pretty impressed with me right now. Sure, my brothers may have gone and bought you "real" presents to show their love, but I invested whole seconds minutes in picking out the perfect (expensive) card*, buying a stamp and diligently walking it to my corner mail box. That is called mother$&%*#ing devotion. Also, you are impossible to shop for so I got you the gift of knowing I didn't spend my hard-earned wages on unappreciated crap. You're welcome.

I'm not going to thank you for "everything" or write an extensive list about all the nifty stuff you do for this family; I'll leave that to the other two clowns that emerged from your loins. Rather I'm going to EXCEED EXPECTATIONS and start my own tradition of perennially telling you one thing I am grateful for. Here is this year's:

Thank you for genetically stepping aside and allowing me to have eyebrows. They've been a big hit so far. All the grandmothers that I know absolutely love them, even if their grandchildren have been completely apathetic thus far. I will strive to carry on this proud tradition and breed children who do not look as though they have juvenile alapecia.

You are more than adequate the best and I love you a lot.


*Seriously. Check out the price on the back.


Pat Tillett said...

Eyebrows are damn important. Where are your dads?

Sandra said...

Oh my goodness! I never realized he didn't have eyebrows!!! WHOA!

PS: I love the card. Any father should be proud!

aw said...

Not just any eyebrows. Really good ones.

The Illustrious D said...

He lost them in The War.

Isn't it freaky? They're just super faint. He kinda looks like Louis Riel.

Fine, ONE non-apathetic grandchild.

boo said...

super freaking cute picture of you guys.

also, nice card.