Sarah Silverman and Me: Cut From The Same Downie-Lovin' Cloth

This is gonna be a good week. Know how I know? Curz this morning I got to sit behind my favourite Autistic Girl Gone Wild (AGGW) and her haggard daddy on the streetcar!

I gots a beef with the dad, though, and not, like, an offering of fillet mignon or nuttin'. Nah. This is some seriously skirt steak shit. He has dandruff and really bad shoes. But that's not the worst of it. I feel he ignores her and this makes me sad. I feel that maybe it was his wife's idea to have an ageless autistic offspring and that maybe he was all like, "Okay, baby, sure, whatevs, can I just stick it in?"

I feel he shoulda maybe had a lesson from that big black motivational speaker/bodybuilder on Maury Povich about the negative outcomes of porking your 47 year old wife. I mean, they're pretty much Abraham and Sarah, and then comes along Isaac, 'cept it's a girl and it's kinda retarded and God's all "Dem's da breaks, suckahs! lolz"

Whatever. The fact is I still got to sit behind them and when every once in a while she'd look out the window and shriek in glee at some person walking by or some run-overed squirrel, I screamed along with her. On the inside. Cause I gots decorum.

But then the lady sitting next to me would stare at the girl and I just wanted to take her hand and say, "Hey lady, no fraid-fraid of little AGGW."

And then she'd be all, "What? Is that Spanish?"

And then I'd realized that I'd said the letter phonetically and I'd laugh and laugh and say, "No, no, silly button. A-G-G-W. Autistic Girl Gone Wild!"

And then she'd look all shocked and pretend to be horrified while deep down I'd know she was just as delighted with AGGW as I am. Then she'd start riffling through her bag and I'd casually peer into it and note that she has some balled up kleenex and that weird-ass melon chewing gum and enough Plan B for an entire private Catholic girls high school and I'd be all, "No judgey, Legs Wide Open."

And then I'd take AGGW and her bitter old dandruffed daddy each by the hand and we'd skip off the streetcar as I turned around to tell the lady to have a wonderful day and to enjoy her uterine lining melting out of her body.