Thursday, November 12, 2009

Alright, children, settle down. The lapse in floygns with which to fleek has been due predominantly to the fact that I'm a working boyagain *flash of that corporate smile* and that that the romantic neuroses centre of my brain has been working in overdrive for the pastseveral weeks. There has been much going on and to the end I present a special installation entitled "5 x 5"

5 Awesome Things About Getting a Psychiatric Evaluation

1. I got to talk about myself for an hour non-stop.
2. I did not have to lie down on a couch, potentially resulting in double chins and hints at my true hairline, both of which prevent fulldisclosure with the assumed-hot shrink that'd be poking mah head.
3. The assumption regarding hotness was waaaaaaaay off, so my flop sweat was kept to a minimum. Furthering the tidings of great joy, hewas a very nice, mild-mannered (read: homosexual) man that refrained from using the phrase, "And how do you feel about that?"
4. No, seriously, have you ever just talked about yourself for an hour? It is freakin' fantastic! Plus, for someone that spends as muchtime psychoanalyzing himself as this kid does, it was nice to speak some of it outloud and have it affirmed by real human ears.
5. I was assessed "developmentally normal" and was told that there wasno grounds to proceed with talk therapy. Suck on that, Jew School.

5 Awesome Performance Experiences I've Had Since Moving

1. Regina Spektor - Dear Lord, that fiery Jewess can rock a piano. Also, my loins.
2. One EskimO - The opening band for Tori. Yeah, that's right. Tori didn’t make the list but her opening band did. I don't want to talkabout it. Anyway, they create beautiful sonic gems and each member has a corresponding cartoon animal character. Done.
3. The Nightengale at the COC - Rarely performed music, shadow acting, puppets and a lake. It was just art.
4. Il Mondo della Luna at U of T - In addition to seeing friends, both new and old, perform, I saw two different casts within a 24 hourperiod, which was pretty much just self-pleasure for my inner (and outer) music critic.
5. Iphegénie en Tauride at Opera Atellier - The first reformist opera I've ever seen as well as the first opera that truly used performancepractice; I pretty much did a number 3 in my pants when the thunder machine started. The singing was also passionate and sounded like thelanguage it was in as opposed to all that bel canto crap. I said it. I'm edgy.

5 Names of People At My Work That Are Funny to Me

1. Tat Tam - C'mon...
2. Jenny Poon - My blog needs a shower.
3. Debbie Mohammed and Debbie Singh - The India/Pakistani conflict mere cubicles apart
4. Razia Jeena - Ok, her name is not funny. But her job? Cluster Liaison. Sign me up.
5. Bernie Peters - It's a woman. Do you know what that means, people? I have Bernadette Peters working in my office.

5 Song Lyrics That Apply Right Now

1. Jay Brannan, "Can't Have It All":do we hold the future, or does it come in peace?and if it's in my hands, are you sure it should be in brittle hands like these?life, love, and the pursuit of all the things they promised mecan i have all of the above? are the best things in life truly free?
2. One EskimO, "The Chosen One"You might not be the chosen oneStill you wait for your time to come
3. Tori Amos, "Sugar"SugarHe brings me sugarAnd all the robins bringThey bring me many thingsBut sugarHe brings me sugarAs far as I can tellI've been gone for miles now
4. Stars, "Elevator Love Letter"I'm so hard for a rich girlMy heels are high, my eyes cast lowAnd I don't know how to loveI get so tired after midday, latelyI take it out on my good friendsBut the worst stays inOh where would I begin?
5. One Eskimo, "Astronaut"It's a funny, old worldFull of headaches and turmoilBut whenever you need spaceI guess it's okayIf you're floating awayTo be nothing at allWe can be astronautsIf you want toGet out of here

5 Notions About Myself That Are Quickly Being Disproved

1. That I could get out of the way of a mad gunmen: In this case, it's not my different ableness that would trip me up but rather my OCD when it comes to spatial awareness and order. I would see the guy and rather than jump behind something/one, I'd think "I gotta get outtathe way…but I don't want to drop my Starbucks on the floor cause that would make a mess."
2. That I can't cut my own hair: Does it look amazing? No. Does it look boho-decent and have I save lots of money and BMS (Balding Man Syndrom) embarassment? You betcha.
3. That I can't run: Ok, this one is not entirely true, but I sorta can on the elliptical! I have a working theory that the more days ittakes for your muscles to feel sore after a workout, the harder you exercised. My last time was Thursday and my ass started killing metoday. Buns of Tin, here I come!
4. That I can contend with playing only one game of Bejewelledd Blitz: It's my Lays, man.
5. That I'm getting more rational with age: I've started having conversations with myself as I fall asleep, I've begun praying (orsomething akin) in synagogue and I spend just as much time mooning over boys as when I was 16 except that it's much less cute 9 yearslater. I've even changed my phone's settings to automatically save my Sent messages so as to ensure that they did, in fact, go through andthat their recepients are, in fact, simply not responding because I am, in fact, a social pariah. This is the rationale we're dealingwith, people. Sidenote: upon typing '9 years' I threw up a little in my mouth.

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