Friday, September 24, 2010

I had a beer with lunch and now can't think of a title

There have been immeasurable (1) calls for an update, so here it be. Let us classify this as a life update rather than a funny/offensive op ed piece. The reason for my non-bloggitude as of late has been, for those who do not know, that I have returned to school for a rather intense program. Consequently, I will not be blogging with the same frequency or read/comment on my followed blogs for the time being. I know that we're all special snowflakes that deserve all the love and attention in this here blogosphere, but it's just beyond my temporal means at the moment. Selfish, perhaps, but what blogging isn't?

Yep, I call my posts pieces. What…a dickbag.

Future Roommate has gone the way of countless pop stars before her and dropped the 'Future' from her name. In other words, she is now my full-blown roomie. As far as the adjustment from friend to friend-roommate, there have already been smiles and frowns, ups and downs but already I have grown accustomed to her face. While she does not (yet) make the day begin, I feel we've been doing pretty well at communicating needs and wants and she has not yet attempted to castrate me nor I deovarize her, so back pats all round.

Speaking of castration, there are a whole bunch fellow teacher candidates who I feel would benefit from this process. Okay, fine, I'd benefit from this process. Of their castration. Ugh, not blessed by the Witty Hatred Faerie today. Ooh, new tag! I will not list here the full list of homicide-inducing archetypes, but rather will give a top 3:

3. "I'm a teacher candidate who doesn't like getting up in front of a class"
Um, you fail. A lot. And hard. Also, speak the fuck up. Group project partners, this is directed at you. Do NOT get in front of a class of adult learners and say, "Hey, guys… guys?…we're gonna move on so if you'd just like to [flaps forearms in the air, presumably to represent 'quiet' but coming off more like retarded penguin]…"

2. "I'm a teacher candidate who is doing this as a second career and therefore know more about everything than you"
Hey, do you know anything about shutting the fuck up? Didn't think so. Maybe if these jackasses actually listened to the instructor instead of thinking about an answer based on not listening to instructor, they could actually participate productively instead of wasting my valuable-as-that-weird-ass-mineral-from-Avatar time. An instruction to "reflect personally first" does not mean turn to your neighbour and run your mouth off for 5 minutes before asking me in a condescending voice if I'd like to contribute anything. Here is my foot. I would like to contribute it up your ass.

1. "I'm a teacher candidate and I won't shut up about teaching in Korea"



Shut…the fuck…up.

Know who else has taught in Korea? 83% of the world, that's who. If I hear one more asshole (and they're always males) say, "So yeah, when I taught in Korea…" or talk about adding each other on Facebook so they can exchange kimchi recipes I AM GOING TO GO OFF. Kimchi tastes like pickles shit.

In other news, I had a two month thing with a Brazilian (cause I hate the white man) that ended in yet another "You're a great guy and I'd like to keep hanging out but just as friends, no kissing or anything like that anymore " talk.

Hey, Pele: what's Portuguese for "You're not interesting enough to be friends with while clothed"?

Reader Poll:
In the past year, David has cavorted around with a Macedonian, a Portuguese, an Albanian and a Brazilian. What ethnic group should he take up with next:

A) Rwandan
B) Peruvian
C) Latvian
D) None-of-the-above-cause-I'm-gonna-die-alone-and-unloved-ian
E) French


Sboo said...

I am also growing accustomed to your face...and also to your delicious sugar free crisps. But especially your face. But ESPECIALLY the crisps...

Ummm...I vote for French.


Sandra said...

Yay, an update! Yay for getting cred as the one urger for the update! :P I've been checking back for days, dude! (<- LSB reference, what what??) Say more about your program! I've been thinking about you of late and hoping it was going well! I've always figured education was full of jackasses. Sigh. All the best with that, friend!

I also loathe kimchi. Yay! It's like the most unpopular ethnic food opinion to have. Even the sushi haters have fellow sushi haters!

I'm dying to know about your lunch thing! Tell me more abou that! Glad the roommate dealie is going! :) I'm excited about my four new ones, as of next weekend. I thought about this for almost a month before finally making up my mind, but I'm excited now! I've been friends with these guys for years and years, but living with people is just different! I'll make history as the first woman to live there in the going-on-eight years that the house has been together. :P

soft nonsense said...

I didn't want to be *that* guy, but I had been jonesin' for a ID update, just to make sure my favorite Canadian comma man-loving wasn't dead/hadn't succumb to his various maladies, rendering him unable to walk to a computer.

I vote Chinese. In interest of not sounding horribly racist, I won't make a joke about not keeping you full.

aw said...

Update? Thanks.

Pat Tillett said...

I'd say a peruvian. They wear those cool little stingy brim hats.

Nice to see you with a post. also good to see you haven't lost a thing in the comedy dept.