So Auntie just sent me a digital photo frame and I know they're suppose to be all cool and expensive and shit but here's my problem:
The actual frame is slightly more panoramic than standard photo sizes, but rather than just crop the photos to the correct dimensions, it actually just stretches them out, making my face look even rounder than normal and my ass like Kim Kardashian's. Trite pop culture reference aside, I'm sure you can sympathize with my dilemma. Consequently, I've now how to resort to both bulemia and diuretics to stem the extra kick to my body dysmophia.
With this in mind, I've decided to open up the first interactive Fleekin Floygn comments forum to help me with my potential assular tenderness. I anticipate getting fives of responses, people.
Toilet Paper Techniques
Potential Talking Points:
- How many squares?
- To fold or not to fold?
- Flying Dutchman: fact or fiction?
- How do the Charmin bears even buy TP? They have no income!
- Courtesy flush: basic politeness or wasteful Earth-ending environmental shenanigan?
This is disgusting. I'm so bored.