Saturday, October 22, 2005

So I think I was a little bit rash about that whole abstinence thing. Not because I'm hormonally incapable but rather because I think absolute abstinence really doesn't leave pause to examine each situation and therefore isn't really true to the original intent. The reason I had such an adverse reaction is due to the fact that in the past I have not been true to my own personal standards. This has nothing to do with my perceptions of my own physical beauty or lack thereof or whatnotandwhathaveyou, but rather my habit of 'going with the flow' rather than saying, You know what? I'm really not into this.

When you're actually faced with that type of pre-intimate situation it's very hard to go back on it even if you really want to because at that point there's really no positive social recourse in saying, You know what? I'm really not into this.

And really 'this' means 'you'. And this has definitely been a problem up until now. Without undesirably disclosing any sort of figure regarding my history of partners, it can definitely noted that I was actually attracted in a potent way to a rather slim number of them. The others were more a "Well, we're already here so might as well..." situation. Which is so not kosher.

I have a dear friend who is very in touch with her sexual nature and it seems that whenever she discusses an experience she's had, it's "he was" or "It was amazing." In short, she has good sex. I, conversely, appear to not have good sex.

So rather than join a figurative monastery, I've decided instead to simply be more true to my attractions and if that means donning the robes and shaving the top of my head until that happens, then so be it.


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Andrew said...

Wow. Check out that comment about the flock browser. I'm excited.

Anyway, with regard to your actual post, I think that the ratio of quantity to quality is something that everyone decides on for themselves, but it's very important to realise that it is something you need to think about and make decisions on. At least until you encounter that fabulous someone where you can have a deep and fulfilling relationship AND bunny-like quantities of mind-blowing sex.

I think the biggest trick is expectations. If it's just a one-off "because we're already here", don't expect the experience to rock your casbah in such a way that you're rebuilding a month later. Have a pleasant roll in the hayloft and if necessary, push him out over the end of said loft when it's over. Take it for what it is and be content.

That's my forty-six cents' worth, anyway.

Anonymous said...

Pretty much what Andrew said, yeah. :) Do what you do. Try to maintain personal integrity, i.e., do what fits with being you. Which is not meant to sound trite, just my own take on things. No regrets, just by all means, be choosy.

So much of the time, it's come down to a "would I rather do this or rather be by myself", and if option two wins, well then. Decision made. Surprising how few people have qualified for the first option over the last year. Or else it could be, "would I rather be on yet another first date, or would I rather hang out with something platonic and therefore not threatening to the current structure of my social life?" Option two, almost every time, again. :) I'm also just rather possessive of my free time. It shouldn't be squandered on the unworthy, that's all.

And I'm totally rambling, so... /ramble.

Love your guts, babe.