Saturday, May 28, 2005

I ask this without pretense or irony and certainly in the least-fairy-esque way possible, but how great is ABBA? I mean, seriously. They defy genre or categorization and are defiantly timeless, and I believe I just realized why: they were positively certifiable.

No, they were seriously crazy. And to truly highligh this, let us select a few of their choicest lyrics:

I was so afraid Fernando we were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die and I’m not ashamed to say the roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry

It was like shooting a sitting duck a little small talk a smile and baby I was stuck

And now you’re working in a bank the family man, a football fan and your name is Harry

It isn't so much the individual lines but rather these were young, verile Swedes traveling from luxury suite to luxury suite with their furs, and sequins, and battery-operated sex toys singing about fighting in the Spanish revolution and alien visits, with metaphors of the Napoleonic wars, tweety-birds, and their duty not to give in to statutory rape. And all with such drama. Its all so laughably over-the-top that you can't help but love it. Except if you're Eminem. Cause I bet he doesn't love ABBA.

It kind of reminds me of my own diva, La Brightman. If you wanna see crazy in a tiara, check this chick out. At the beginning of her last tour, she came down this persian-inspired catwalk waving to the crowd like she was the Queen of Englad complete with cupped-hand and a smile that absolutely grinned Perkiset. Throughout the show she swung on a two-story-high swing being showered with rose petals, was suspended via harness over the stage via harness while doing backwards sommersaults with the appropriate grace of a fourty-three year-old, and hovered over the audience while standing on what can be described only has a 20-foot long, flattened dildo (I think we have those crazy Swedes to thank for that one) while singing Nessun Dorma in a kimono composed of approximately a hundred yards of gold lamay.

God, I should have been born in Europe.

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