Saturday, June 25, 2011

True Hollywood Story: Moses

Today, while sitting in da 'gogue, the Rabbi Older-Than-Elijah began his sermon by saying, "We know very little about Moses..."

Anticipating (correctly) the coming 20-minute snooze cycle, I whispered to Mark, "His favourite colour was blue."

Mark replied, "He was a big fan of Britney's early work."

The following is a Top Ten Little Known Facts About Moses that we composed during the remainder of the sermon:

10. His bar mitzvah reception was at the Olive Garden.

9. His favourite films were The Ten Commandments and Gigli.

8. He used Charmin Ultra exclusively.

7. He was executive producer on Children of Israel Behaving Badly VII.

6. Favourite song: Donna Summer's Bad Girls.

5. He once bought 3 "52% off Old Navy" Groupons.

4. Dislikes: burning shrubbery, armies of Pharoah, dill pickle potato chips

3. He created the trendy mixed cocktail Red Sea Breeze.

2. Loved the pan-flute, the NRA and was a backer of Howard The Duck.

1. He was Team Edward.


Pat Tillett said...

Now really, wo doesn't love the pan flute? Good one! I have to get caught up here...
Hope you are doing well.

soft nonsense said...

I would drink the shit out of a Red Sea Breeze.

Pat Tillett said...

Well, I guess I am caught up!

Sandra said...

I lol-ed for real at the Olive Garden!!

So behind. My only excuse is this: new laptop, have been super lax about reinstating my favourites list to the glory of its former counterpart... catching up now! :)