Wednesday, September 12, 2007

One day I will get up and sing in front of my peers and not suck.

One day I will open my mouth and out will come exactly what I expected all along, exactly what happened in the practice room mere moments before. My throat will not feel like it has little throat-gnomes creeping out of its walls, constricting my air flow adding little scratchy noises, which, I swear, were not there before. One day, my knees will not shake nor my balance test me. F#s will flow out of me like semen. Wait, that's gross. Like blood. Actually, not a ton better. Is there any single substance that emanates from our bodies that is not disgusting in some matter? I'm gonna go with no. Where was I? Oh yes, the awful, baby-crying F#s. Yeah, those will be awesome. One day I will not have to float above myself in real time thinking "Oh Christ on a bike, not again!" and I'll actually be able to do a character rather than some shallowly emoting caricatured. One day I will not finish a performance and want to go up to every single person in the room and say "I'm sorry! I over-sung in the practice room and I can do it better, really I can! I swear, I have made progress in the last four years!"

One day all this will happen.

Today, however, was not that day.


Michael Park said...

Let me know when the bloody-semen singing event will be; it sounds crazy enough to be.... artistic!!
I know there's probably nothing I can say to ease that feeling that comes with being aware of one's own development and placement therein. At the same time, we're all learning and will be in that place between here and there for quite a while, so find a way to enjoy it. If you can't appreciate those things that you do wonderfully right now, how can you expect an audience to appreciate those things unless you are always putting the proverbial best foot forward...
You are wonderful Davey, and don't you forget it!

Peggy said...

Ahh David...I love you dearly - and had I been in the audience listening, I would have applauded the loudest as you are perfection. I won't insult you by saying 'oh I'm sure you did beautifully', as we're talking about how you feel - not how I feel.

As a 'once upon a time wanna be musician', all I can say is how very proud I am of the accomplishments you've made.

And someday, when you KNOW that perfect performance has flown out of you with ease - you'll also know that every F# gone before led you to that moment.

I hope I'm there.