I imagine that there will come a point in my life, probably by the time I am, say, thirty-five - forty-ish, at which I will have done most of my evolving and I will be my essential self for the remainder of my life. I will probably look back at these times of ever-changing selves and think, "My God, am I ever glad that I am done that!"

However, my current self disagrees with future David. I am having such a good time becoming a new person every few months. It's so stimulating, challenging to want to be and do a million things all at once and to know that in your own eyes, you are better, more than you were a season ago. I think what this boils down to is that I just got over not being 18 anymore. Quite literally in the last 7 seconds, and let me tell you, kids: it's absolutely brilliant. There were a couple of years there (up until 7...no wait - eight seconds ago) where I secretly bemoaned the loss of my jail-bait status, but now I feel like the fucking warden.

In a related yet separate vein, it occurs to me that I live in such a way that my goals occasionally opposed themselves and because I want to experience so much, these experiences have the potential to prevent other ones. I feel that up until this point I have been very successful in balancing my goals with my love of newness and I feel that I will be able to continue to have mind-shattering experiences while still acheiving my goals. So before I get to my point, let it be known that David is very stable and committed to his long-term goals. Still, I know that it is all too human to falter and I recognize that there is potential, no matter how small, for a person to lose focus of what they want in the long term due to their short-term fancies. If I were to ever veer close to that precipice, I hope that the people near and dear to me would enlighten me to the potential dangers of gravity. This is not a cry for help, just a suggestion that if anyone has any concerns at any point in the future, that we talk and assess if their fears are warranted. I like to think that if the need arose, my dear ones would allow me to do the same for them.

My Gertrude Stein-loving U of W amigo has started his own blog (http://www.gender-neutral-space.blogspot.com/) where you can read about his current adventures in going through a second hormonal puberty. It's really rather fascinating, to the point that I may be even subconsciously empathizing with it. Granted, I'm not going through any physiological changes or gender questioning myself, but I feel 17 again. Perhaps it's this raw-food-vegan cleanse thing that I'm doing for a month, but I feel like my energies' tectonic plates have completely shifted leading to a million little earthquakes every day. I'm thinking about sex totally differently. Hell, I'm looking at people totally differently. I always deemed myself far too "mature" for those hormonal horn-dog impulses experienced in young adulthood, but perhaps it was that I was ironically immature, and now... Well now it seems like I could have a good time with that potted fern over there. Hey, how you doin'?

My work is a bitch

This was actually composed nearly a month ago, a mere day after my Katima-revelation. However, it was composed at work and because my work is such a heinous snatch-box. I was not able to find a way to get it to myself as the server has gotten far too intelligent and will no longer send to my hotmail account. Damn the man:

Ok, so I looked into the Katimavik thing and I'm too old anyway, so moot point. However, that's alright. Realistically, I couldn't have gone next year anywa; school could have waited but stuff like Chai...well they'd be pissed. And I'd be pissed, cause I am looking forward to it next year. So I won't be doing that. Still, my little reverie yesterday has made me realise that I need to get the fuck outta Dodge, but quick. Ok, so in a year and a half. Not so quick. I'm taking a very "Heinz Ketchup will only come out when it's ready" approach to quick. But I digress...

I just want to take off and lead another life for a few months. Maybe Charlize Theron's. She seems like she's having a good ride. I just think it's important to get a little crazy before truly settling down into adult life. I think that's what the raving and writing has been (I've been writing again, kids, and composing a bit too. First time in over a year. It's been good): outlets for non-adult creativity. It's unrealistic to commit to one thing for your entire life at the age of 18 upon entering University. I shared this with my parents yesterday and they were suprisingly supportive. Not that I thought they wouldn't be at all, but they were like, "Fuck yeah! Get your ass abroad, bitch!" Ok, that was just my dad; my mother was too busy shooting up to comment.

On another note, I went to see Guys & Dolls on Monday. Holy hell, is that a jazz hand-y show. I always thought it was about cowboys. But it's not. So I was happy about that. One of the four leads looked like Uncle Joey from Full House (You know, that show I wasn't allowed to watch as a child cause my dad thought it had adult situations. How far we've come). Too bad he sucked many, many elephant bums. It was actually painful. A

nd lastly, for those who wish that I was wittier, happier and better looking, check out http://www.vividblurry.com/. It's brilliant.

I've had so much that I've wanted to type about but I haven't and here's why: I often write blogs at work because there's next to no supervision and it's a good chunk of time when my mind doesn't need to be focused on something. I wrote one two weeks ago as a follow up to my whole I-wanna-do-Katimavik thing but the damn e-mail service won't let me send it. Extremely frustrating. Whatever, I'll get it sooner or later.

Big news: my Israel girlfriend who lives in Calgary announced that she will be visiting/staying with me over the 17-20th of February, after which far too many bodily fluids were ejaculated due to my shocked delight. To properly justify our relationship, let me say this: we're the same person, 'cept she's all hotter and can pull off yellow. To illustrate this point, let me tell you a tale of our trip to Israel. First some back story: we actually only started talking on about the third day of the ten we were there and it was a very different bond as generally when I find a girl to befriend intimately we usually spend every waking minute together before she heads back to Vancouver, Montreal, etc. (Wow, I'm like the straightest 'mo ever...k, maybe not after that statement.) However with her and I, I always felt there was this very delicate balance. Like, you know how when you're on a first date and the conversation is going so amazingly that you kinda just want to go home so you can say that it was amazing before you run out of conversation? It was kinda like that. We gave each other tons of space but it was known that we were a couple, platonic as it was.

Now on to the "we're the same" point: I think it was day 8 that we were on the bus and having a very intense conversation about her older, wealthy Armenian boyfriend. She said something funny like, "At least he'd good in the sack, " and I replied, "Hey, well at least you got something out of it," and then without even looking at each other or acknowledging that we were done and without noticing the other was doing the exact same thing, rolled over and went to sleep. half an hour later we both woke up, looked at each other and peed ourselves laughing. I'm not sure if that really makes sense now, but it was très amusant at the time.

The Ubiquitous U and I stayed up to 1 am last Sunday looking at old yearbooks and photos from high school, which normally would be kinda sad and indicative of the dated nature of the relationship were this not the first time we had done this since high school. So it was fun. It conjures up so many memories and emotions it's indescribable and it's unreal how many people we have been since those days. I can honestly say, I don't think I've ever been more at peace than I am right now. A DOM (Dirty OldMan) was hitting on me the other day on msn and when I shockingly informed him that I had no desire to see his 'pad' as I was perfectly fine by myself, he made some comment about how sad it was that I had the winter blues and that I should cheer up and come over. Granted, he was trying to get in my pants but it still shows that people have this notion that if you are by yourself, you're lonely and that really isn't the case. Learning how to be happy on your own is one of the best things you can do for yourself. But back to high school...

I fell in love at age 15, and not stupid teen love, but like I Would Give My Life For Yours infatuation. It was so sick, made more so by the fact that he never knew. Well, perhaps that's not true. He might have known, but I never told him and it as never discussed. We had this kinda messed up relationship where we would never talk and then once every year or so we would have a huge heart to heart on a school trip or something. Lasted until I was 18, even though I practically hated him at the end for having made me go through three years of torment. I've seen him a couple times since high school with mutual friends and we barely acknowledge the others existence, which leads me to think he knew and that's just to tragic for words. Naturally he played a very prominent role in our trip down Memory Lane because of course, like any good stalker would, I tried to fit him into as many pictures as possible. I was taking out a flick from Movie Village when I glanced to my right and there he was, looking nothing like he did at 15 and yet sadly gorgeous in this faux-hippie-lost-little-boy kinda boy (no one did lost little boy like this kid). We said our "Hey"s and our empty "How's it going?"s and then before it got awkward I just looked away, signed my receipt and left.

It never really goes away, does it?