"I don't know why I can't be cooler about things. It's not something I remotely get off on; it's crippling at times. Shitty feelings just fester and I can't really resolve them or let it slide either. All this to say, I wish I could have been less dickish about things not going how I wanted them to. I can't rightfully say I can tell why it mattered so much at the time. But I feel that maybe I expected more of you than I do of most people, which is not fair, and I apologise for that. I still feel pretty icky about the way things wound up, but I'm acknowledging that it wasn't a one-sided transgression. We both have the ability to be awesome and terrible friends at the same time. I guess I lost sight of that.
"There's no real end game in writing this. I'm just sorry for reacting harshly (maybe a bit cruelly) to your last communication. Hope things are going well."
...is what I wrote a few nights ago when chemically altered but didn't send once sobered up. So it's here instead.