Monday, September 21, 2009

You know, I don't set out to fail at blogging. It, like the tides and unplanned pregnancy among visual minorities, just happens.

Last week I wrote one of my painfully annoying semi-autobiographical fiction 'tableaux', as me and my twos of readers like to call them. Problem is, I can't finish it, posing a problem quite the opposite of my attempts in the boudoir. So now whenever I think of going back and trying to complete it, I distract myself in a variety of fashions.

The latest obsession is Bejeweled Blitz, a Facebook application that one particular eyebrowly impaired Mennonite who has asked to remain nameless has been talking about for a year. Now to be clear, I have never been a gamer or even really a games person. I will indulge, but really only as a visual supplement to an activity that does not require that sense, such as talking on the phone or performing CPR on my fish (RIP, guys. You'll live forever in God's kingdom). This habit started at the tender age of 14 with solitaire and has seen an evolution such that I can actually target major life events by what game I was playing at the time. The list reads not unlike Genesis 2 (suck on that Intro to Religion):

Solitaire begat
Hearts which begat
Freecell which begat
Minesweeper which begat
Spider Solitaire which begat
Bubbles which begat
Bejeweled Blitz

My favourite part of playing BB is that you can send 'Smack Talk', these really passive aggressive messages that you can send to your other friends that play who have lower scores than you. It's really quite mean and I like it. I like it a lot.

My other favourite distraction (other than, like, job hunting) is watching as many youtube videos of Chelsea Lately as possible, looping them to the point where I know them so well they become my Facebook statuses. I'm also oddly attracted to Guy Branum, a frequent panelist on the round table as a Comedian - slash - Staff Homosexual. He is by far the smartest and funniest person on that show (Chuy, the Mexican nugget (read: Little Person) aside). He is also 6'2", bald and roughly 300 lbs and yet...something inside me kinda wants to get wit dat. I've never been a chubby chaser (their word, not mine), but he's delightful with pouty lips, pretty eyes and a bashful look even cuter than Michael J. Park's.

In other news, I am still unemployed, live in a tiny apartment, can't hang shelves and am being Jew-ier than I ever imagined I could ever be. I'm gonna apply for recircumcision next week just for kicks.


Michael Park said...

As If!
There ain't nothing cuter than me bashin' it up!

-mikey j

Anonymous said...

I guess I'll be getting into Bubbles anytime now.