Ok, but it even has an authenticity hologram!

Tuesday: I accompany Chief NoBalls to buy new clothes for him cause he has a job and a new-found keenness for emulating his more stylish friends' fashion decisions. We go to Zara and look at all the beautiful but on-par-with-Le-Chateau-quality-wise vestments*. It was fun, but I sorta kinda haven't earned any money in three months and no real money in over a year so I'm getting keenly aware that a $40 scarf should really not be on my weekly shopping list, despite the fact that Zara's are big and beautiful and come in jewel tones.

Wednesday: I go to Winner's to buy a white dress shirt as the one I wore to my cousin's wedding last month made me look like, in my father's words, "a homeless Zeller's cashier." I grab two and head for the dressing rooms, but as I do I notice that this Winner's has a suit section.** I riffle through it because in true Winner's fashion it is bound to be rife with disappointment, right? (PLEASE LET IT BE RIFE)


Calvin Klein

Calvin Klein

Ralph Lauren

Ralph Lauren

Other Cheap American Shit Made in Tijuana


And then...a great light descended from the fluorescent lighting Heavens and shone its glorious rays on a black, lustrous Roberto Cavalli two-button number that made even even the possibly-transexual woman beside gasp at its beauty/how much leopard print she was wearing.

I took it to the change room knowing full well that given all zee junk in mah trunk there was no way this was going to fit, and moreover praying that it wouldn't.

*sigh*

You guys...

Like a fucking glove...

So the moral*** of our story is:

$40 Zara scarf = no

$450 Cavalli suit = si****


*Evidently this refers to the robes worn by Roman Catholic clergy and NOT just a direct translation from French for 'clothes'. Fuck it, it's staying in.

**If you can't see where this is going, you got some shit to sort out.

***This is not a moral.

****WHATEVER! THESE FUCKERS NORMALLY START AT $1,200! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!*****

*****Yeah, ya do.